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LiveJournal for Teresa Marie/Trudy.

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Saturday, September 12th, 2015

Subject:Wonders never cease...
Time:12:09 am.
Look at me...Writing in my old livejournal...Ha.

I'm pretty sure no one will ever read this because, as far as I know, nobody uses livejournal anymore. And that's fine with me. Looks like the majority of my posts were often private anyhow.

I don't even remember writing most of what is on here. Even the posts that seem really important and emotionally charged are now just hazy scrambled memories. I get the feeling that I mostly wrote on here when I was intoxicated or hysterical.

I read back through each entry over a couple of evenings. And while it was hard to do, I think I am glad that I did so. Because I have a tendency to beat myself up about where I am in my life, but looking back I can really see just how far I have come. Thank goodness for that too, because I was so lost. I mean, I remember often feeling lost and hopeless and breaking down in the tears over not being able to get it together, so it's not like I was completely delusional. But looking at it now that I am a calm, mature, content, and accomplished adult really puts a lot of things into perspective.

I consider myself a happy person with a positive outlook. I have few complaints. But I do enjoy beating myself up for all that lost time. I work so hard at all of the things I do now, and sometimes I can't help but think, "You should have done this 10 years ago". I know I still have lots of time, but certain things do get harder as you get older. I still struggle with forgiving myself for my wasted youth, poor planning, and questionable life choices.

Before that, when I was even younger, I was a very focussed and goal-oriented go getter. And for a while, it did get me some of the places that I wanted to be. But I used to stress myself out constantly, and I think that's what led to such a long term burnout and meltdown; The need to escape my own expectations, and my feelings of inadequacy. I catch myself thinking similar thoughts now but I am mindful of it. I can usually do something else to distract, rather than just self-medicating. Plus, I have other priorities now. I'm not as selfish now as the person who these past posts portray. Having a family has meant learning to love others more than I love myself.

Why am I writing this all down? I don't know. Because maybe future Teresa will need a reminder some day. And unlike all the darkness that permeates the rest of this space, this entry can be different. A reminder that I conquered fears and banished demons, and was happy with my home, my family, my friends, my work, my passions, my achievements. I hope I never need such a reminder. I hope I never lose sight of what's really important. I hope this charmed life I've rebuilt stays intact.
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Friday, March 30th, 2007

Time:3:49 pm.

Originally uploaded by neurotictrollop.

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Friday, March 23rd, 2007

Subject:Happy Birthday Isis!
Time:1:39 pm.

with Mr. Fish
Originally uploaded by neurotictrollop.
My baby cat is 2 today! xox
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Friday, March 9th, 2007

Subject:true love is worth it
Time:11:40 am.

taken by Amy Honey
Originally uploaded by neurotictrollop.

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Tuesday, October 31st, 2006

Subject:Halloween cat
Time:3:23 pm.

guilty kitty
Originally uploaded by neurotictrollop.

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Thursday, October 26th, 2006

Subject:The Modelos
Time:4:20 pm.

The Modelos
Originally uploaded by neurotictrollop.

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Monday, September 18th, 2006

Time:4:00 pm.

Originally uploaded by neurotictrollop.

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Subject:Drummer's arms
Time:4:00 pm.

Drummer's arms
Originally uploaded by neurotictrollop.

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Subject:Hard Candy
Time:4:00 pm.

Hard Candy
Originally uploaded by neurotictrollop.

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Subject:Cone head
Time:3:59 pm.

Cone head
Originally uploaded by neurotictrollop.

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Wednesday, August 17th, 2005

Time:10:27 pm.
LOS ANGELES, California -

Esther Wong, the unlikely "godmother of punk" who showcased such groups as Oingo Boingo at her Madame Wong's clubs in Chinatown and Santa Monica in the late 1970s and '80s, has died. She was 88.

Read more...Collapse )
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Saturday, August 13th, 2005

Time:2:51 pm.
Random fact #561359:

When I die, I would like Curtis Mayfield's "People Get Ready" to be one of the songs played at my funeral.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, July 5th, 2005

Subject:closing time
Time:12:05 am.
Mood:should be asleep....
Looks like freedom
But feels like death
It's something in between, I guess.
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Wednesday, June 8th, 2005

Time:1:50 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
Abattoir Blues

The sun is high up in the sky and I'm in my car
Drifting down into the abattoir
Do you see what I see, dear?

The air grows heavy. I listen to your breath
Entwined together in this culture of death
Do you see what I see, dear?

Slide on over here, let me give you a squeeze
To avert this unholy evolutionary trajectory
Can you hear what I hear, babe?
Does it make you feel afraid?

Everything's dissolving, babe, according to plan
The sky is on fire, the dead are heaped across the land
I went to bed last night and my
moral code got jammed
I woke up this morning with a Frappucino in my hand

I kissed you once. I kissed you again
My heart it tumbled like the stock exchange
Do you feel what I feel, dear?

Mass extinction, darling, hypocrisy
These things are not good for me
Do you see what I see, dear?

The line the God throws down to you and me
Makes a pleasing geometry
Shall we leave this place now, dear?
Is there someway out of here?

I wake with the sparrows
and I hurry off to work
The need for validation, babe,
gone completely berserk
I wanted to be your Superman
but I turned out such a jerk
I got the abattoir blues
I got the abattoir blues
I got the abattoir blues
Right down to my shoes
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Wednesday, June 1st, 2005

Time:9:14 pm.
Mood:slimmer everyday.
Would you like to see today's grocery items? Yes, of course you do...

-Non Fat Organic Plain Yogurt

-Rooibos Chai Concentrate

-Skim Milk

-Organic 100% pure grapefruit juice

-Non fat cottage cheese (x4, travel size)

-Frozen mixed vegetables

-Omega 3 organic flax seed oil

-Pom Wonderful juice (with pure cherry)


-Sparkling water with pure pommegranate juice

-Multigrain bread

-Long grain brown rice

-Organic raspberries

-Organic blueberries

-4 tins chunk light tuna, packed in water

-Tofu caramel dessert

Doesn't that all sound sickeningly healthy? I forgot to buy bottled water, soy protein mix, wild rice, and Kamut. Maybe tomorrow.
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Time:9:02 am.
Mood: amused.
I'm actually working too much at the moment to craft a proper entry. But I did take 5 minutes to copy and paste this e-mail I just received. I laughed pretty hard.

Barbies that more people can relate to:

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in
six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of
Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn
beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead.
Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers
grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with
thesenew,roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus with
tummy-support panels are included.

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely
taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the
pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines
with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive
age-blasting cosmetics.

7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying
off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and
Ken, Jr.. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled
with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change,
and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along
with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa
Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to

9. Divorced Barbie sells for$ 199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and
Ken's boat.

10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the
ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean
and sober, she's going to meetings religiously.. Comes with a little copy of
The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes,
forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken
sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes
with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch
with Your Inner Self" is included.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, April 29th, 2005

Subject:what you don't have you don't need it now
Time:8:42 am.
The heart is a bloom, shoots up through stony ground
But there's no room, no space to rent in this town
You're out of luck and the reason that you had to care,
The traffic is stuck and you're not moving anywhere.
You thought you’d found a friend to take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand in return for grace

You’re on the road but you’ve got no destination
You’re in the mud, in the maze of her imagination
You love this town even if it doesn’t ring true
You’ve been all over and it’s been all over you

It's a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away...
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Thursday, April 21st, 2005

Time:9:46 pm.

Joe didn't have to go to work tonight so he brought me a rose. Awww...And this is after last night, which is when he bought me the CTHULHU HAND PUPPET!!! As soon as I have a desk at home, he will be the guardian of my work space, along with Ice Bat of course.
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Tuesday, April 5th, 2005

Subject:"Riddle me this!"
Time:3:29 pm.
Riddle me this

Today is Frank Gorshin's 71st birthday. Happy Birthday Frank!

Riddle me that
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Monday, March 21st, 2005

Subject:from John Doe's new press kit...
Time:2:42 pm.
Your lopsided heart emptied out on Hwy 99 as you drop down into the Central Valley of California. There is a pain, like shortness of breath or a catch in your throat. Flat land, rusty wire, dirt and dust blows in the open car window. You can smell the irrigation water and someone's getting hurt out there. The skin is soft and bruises easily. Welcome home.
yrs, John Doe
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LiveJournal for Teresa Marie/Trudy.

View:User Info.
View:Website (Children Should Be Obscene And Not Absurd).
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.